Ironically, yesterday was also one of his bad days at school. His allergies are acting up and didn't sleep well the night before. He was cranky all day and cried most of the time during lunch and recess. The IEP meeting was after school so he was anxious to go home and got angry during the meeting. But he got through it and went home. I told him we can go to Target and get a toy for doing well in school.
We ended up going to Lola's house to hang out for a while. I did homework with the girls.. Pop took Mare to practice.. then I dropped off Mar later to help him out with the team. Then the boy and I headed out to Target. We picked up some Valentine stuff for the upcoming school parties and then went to the toy section. He wanted the Minecraft lego mine set. We saw it there over and over every time we've been there. But this time... it was sold out. This really set him over the edge, not because he wanted and can't have it. It's because it broke the routine of what we were suppose to accomplish. Plus the allergies, plus the broken school routine, plus the lack of sleep the night before. So we tried to find another toy and he comes across an Infinity game he wants (we don't own an Playstation so it was another no-go). So I said we'll try again at a different Target. He said OK but still threw himself on the floor and screamed. I asked him "what are the rules when we go out?". He said "No crying, no screaming, no say shut-up" (we added the "no say shut-up" because after watching Inside Out a million times, the word shut-up became part of his vocabulary).
He really battled trying to keep it together. He went into the cart and then tried to get out of the cart, then wanted me carry him, then he would throw himself on the floor again... all while screaming crying. He's been upset like this at home, but never out and about. I'm very sure people were looking. I heard small kids say "uh-oh he's mad". But all the while I kept telling him calmly "you're OK my boy, we're almost done and out of here", "you can do it, we're almost done", "try to breath, let's keep walking", "try to stand up, the floor is not clean", "let's take a small break from walking and squeeze together" (we did this by the girls section where there's carpet. I got down on my knees and hugged him tight because the squeezing around his torso helps him to relax). We finally almost get to the Check-Out section and he's really beyond melted down and on the floor screaming at this point. An older man came up to us and said nicely "no little boy, don't do this to mommy". I don't know what the man's thoughts were about the situation but it's okay, I appreciated the gesture. I turned to him and smiled and said "We're okay, he's okay. Thank you though." He still stood around us as I was trying to get Mos off the floor. I really thought about just leaving my cart full of Valentine stuff there, pick Mos up from the floor and head out of Target. I've done that before... actually a few times before.. when Moses would start crying in a store. But this time for some reason I decided to finish what I came to do. I mean, the situation couldn't really get much worse so might as well keep going, right? We were going to get through this. Even though he was upset, I still was responsible for getting these Valentine cookies for Mare's class. I stood in line carrying him. When it was my turn I put him down to get my card out and I told him "be careful with the people behind you". He said, "I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry mama." I know he wasn't doing this on purpose. He really was sorry, and he doesn't want to cause trouble. This is exactly why I didn't get angry the whole time we were there. I told him "it's okay my boy we're done at Target, you're okay. We're going to the car now." As we leave I'm trying to get to the car fast cause I was afraid that he would melt down on the parking lot floor. He gets in the car and I put the child lock on both back seat doors because I really didn't know if he would get angry and open the doors while I'm driving. He calms down as we drive off and tells me he's sleepy. We finally get home and I lay him down. He's still upset but falls asleep.
It wasn't until about an hour later that I felt dizzy, my stomach felt nauseated, and I was incredibly sleepy. It's like the "Mama Mode" suddenly turned off. I went to sleep pretty quickly after that. This morning I started crying on my way to work thinking I should have known that the meltdown would have happened. I should have read the situation better before hand. And what really made me cry was thinking about how he was saying sorry to me. I love him so much. He's really a good and kind little boy. I feel sad that he felt so overwhelmed that he couldn't sort through the stress. For him to feel so overwhelmed that crying and screaming is the only way to deal with the feelings. It's his roller coaster and I'm riding it with him. I'll take the hard turns with him forever. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my kids.. all of them. I'll take this situation though as a triumph. I didn't breakdown and I believe Moses will remember this too. There will be a day when he'll be too big to carry but we'll deal with that later. If I thought about that now, it will drive me crazy. We just have to better prepare ourselves with situations. Know that everything is possible. Smile now, cry later.
